Monday, April 16, 2007

Back to School I Go...

Now suddenly found with a lot of extra brain space that was previously reserved for all the crap I had to get done at work, I’ve had to start considering the future. What’s best for not only me, but the family. I came back to the idea of going back to school for nursing.

People say that I’ll get burned out, that it’s such a hard job, that it isn’t a good idea… maybe they’re right, but maybe they’re not, and how will I know if I don’t try? I applied for the community college’s RN program back in 2000 I think it was, and was actually accepted. I had applied to the nearby university’s bachelor’s degree program in nursing at the same time and was turned down. I ended up going to neither. I don’t remember why I didn’t go to the community college program, why I chose to go after a bachelor’s degree in English of all things instead.

I guess for some reason I felt the need to obtain a degree, and I didn’t want to settle for some community college certificate program. Well, there’s stupid pride for you. So, I got my degree, and had every intention in the world of becoming a technical writer, a novelist, or an editor, but here I am… 4 years later, having been a graphic design artist and accountant in the meanwhile, never becoming anything I intended. I learned graphic design and accounting, and have to admit, I became pretty good at both of them. Now, of course, I have no formal training to back up either of these professions, and I was fired a month ago from the job that gave me the chance to do both. I’ve spent so much time away from working toward the technical writer, novelist, editor career options, it would be very difficult to try to get that going now. I could go get a job doing accounts payable or something like it somewhere, but I don’t know that I want to. I’ll do what I need to do, but maybe try to pursue something I think I want to do.

So, the firing… 5 of us lost our jobs that day for reasons no one can really agree on. We were told our jobs no longer exist, but I find it hard to believe they no longer need someone to pay the bills or answer the phones. I alternate between depression and anger about it all. I really loved that job, the people I worked with, and believed in the place itself. I’m depressed because it was all taken away in the course of a 5 minute meeting. I’m angry for the same reason.

So, in trying to look on the bright side, for my dark cloud’s silver lining, I’ve come up with the following: I still have the people I worked with. They’re my family. If anything, this whole experience has brought us closer, and given us reason to find other things in common besides work. I don’t have to worry anymore about the financial situation of the business, whether or not we can meet payroll, or any of the other things that kept me up at night. I’m not my boss who came to this town for some unknown reason, leaving his family behind with no intention of moving them here, firing people who loved their jobs without caring about the people themselves, having nothing but work and money. I’m not the board president who doesn’t want to live in her former mayor husband’s shadow, so decides she needs to create a name for herself by ruining organizations all over town. I’m not the director of development who rose up from being a receptionist to where she is today by kissing everyone’s asses, by turning people away by bullying them, by not giving a care about anyone but people who could advance her agenda. I have a husband who loves me, who is my true soul mate. I have a new son who has grown out of his colic phase, and started smiling at us. I have friends that care about me. I have a really good life. Maybe this whole job thing is really an opportunity of some kind.

So, I just registered for a CNA class. I’m trying to get unemployment to pay for it through their dislocated workers program. After 6 weeks, I’ll be qualified to clean up patient’s poop for $9/hour, but maybe it will eventually lead to something more.

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